#100 – Pain

It hurts. It really hurts. My heart hurts like hell. And I don’t know what to do. It’s cold war again and I don’t know whether he is getting my point when I am telling it straight into his face. I told him that I need him to talk. I am sick of telling him how I feel. And I don’t think I can hang on anymore if he doesn’t get it. I don’t have the patience nor the courage anymore. 

Advertisements

#99 – Depressed

It is near the exam season soon and I am depressed. Really. 

I was supposed to meet my boyfriend today. After spending a tiring week in Malaysia (I am always sick when I go back to visit my dad), I finally looked forward to a day where I can spend it relaxing with someone I love. And he was the one who was okay with it! In the end? He had something to attend to and I didn’t get to meet him after all. I think I haven’t meet him for a really long time, since I can’t even remember when was the last time I actually met him. It was THAT long ago. And he is not replying my messages as often. He ends work at 6 plus, and I usually try to leave time after that to whatsapp him since that is the time where the both of us are actually free. BUT! My messages are actually ignored till the next morning. Sometimes for a day. I thought he met problems at work and ask whether he is okay. He told me he was when he totally didn’t sound okay at all. I am mentally,physically and psychologically tired and burnt out. I don’t know whether I can survive this semester at all. I am actually starting to regret the decision of getting back together. I don’t know what he is thinking anymore. I know he is busy with his career and stuff and he needs his private life and all, but I need some reassurance too. I am dying right here, I can’t turn to my family because they turn to me when they have problems instead and my friends might be even more stressed out than I am. I am starting to find life meaningless. Maybe I’ll just drop everything and go be a nun. 

#97

I told myself not to cry. But I did. Today.

Not because I broke up with my ex-bf. No. But because of my mum. I dedicate this post to her. 

I wanna say, I may be a bitch to my brothers at times. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be a nice sister. But the last thing I need is my brother to step all over me and take advantage of my niceness. And I didn’t do anything to deserve your scolding. And I don’t know why I am crying. I don’t even feel like arguing anymore. I just want to find a place to lick my wounds. I have had enough for this year. 

#94

It’s been a year plus since I got attached. I told myself when I just got into this relationship that I would not mistreat myself in order to curry favour from my partner. I told myself that I will always leave a spot in my heart for myself, so that I would not get hurt if I were to breakup. I guessed it was this mentality that landed me in this dilemma that I am having now. 

In my previous relationship, I was hurt really badly. As you can read about it in the last Daily Prompt post. Yea. From then on, I didn’t dare to let anyone in for 3 years. People proposed, but I was really scared that I was taken like a joke again. Really. I was so scared that I brushed off anyone who showered me with extra concern. I treat everyone as a friend (Friend-zone isn’t a word because I didn’t lead anyone on.) I didn’t want to be a joke, so I treat everything as a joke. 

I actually knew my now boyfriend online. I needed someone to talk to then because of the un-needed stress from university application. So I started talking to people online. And then, ta-dah. I am attached. Or maybe, I just have a partner. Someone who is as lonely as I am. Because he never officially proposed to me to ask me to his girlfriend. But he did pop the question on whether I want to marry him and give birth to his kids. I never believed it, believe it or not. At least, that was I feel deep inside.

Why?

Because I am terribly insecure. He avoided questions that I ask. I sometimes thought that I knew everything about him but sometimes, I feel that I don’t know him at all. And maybe, it is just that I don’t know how to love. I admit. I don’t know how to love someone. I don’t know what it means to love someone. I did propose a breakup last year after three month, but my heart hurt like crazy. Was that love? I really don’t know. 

My mama said that I wasn’t worth to be married, didn’t fit to be a mother. Perhaps that was why I started to lose faith in myself. I think I am not worthy of him..

And nowadays, I am starting to think of breaking up. Again.

My mind is in a mess.  

#93

It’s just an update on what I have mentioned in my previous post. After a very long debate with my NUS seniors (about 6 years older ??), it has been realised that although the UAS may not have been an official thing, but it might have been used to filter students. A senior of mine shared with me that he has been called for an interview with regards to his major of choice.

For those juniors planning to get in NUS Faculty of Science, you will only choose your major after you have matriculated into NUS and you must declare your major by the first CORS Bidding Exercise. There will be a guide on that very soon when the time comes. However, for FASS peeps, you can declare it within your first year of studies. So yup.

Any more questions or advise required, do feel free to drop me an email at shattering.love@gmail.com. Please mark the email as important. It seems like my inbox is flooded with unimportant messages.  

#92 – HELP FOR APPLICATION FOR UNIVERSITY (PART 1)

Okay, I realised a lot of people need help in applying for local university. I’ve received emails (surprise surprise. I wasn’t expecting any at all but I appreciate and welcome them with open arms. Really.) on what are the chances of getting in and blah blah blah. (You know the common questions. Really. So I suddenly got the inspiration to do a guide on it BASED ON MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE last year and all the guidances I have received from my lovely seniors from my Junior College. 

(Disclaimer: DO NOTE THAT THE WORD HERE IS LOCAL. I do not entertain enquires on overseas university because I NEVER APPLIED FOR THEM BEFORE. Same goes to SAT.) 

 

1. School Culture

So the first step before even filling those forms is to check out where you really want to go. NUS, NTU, SMU or SUTD? The cultures at these universities are pretty different so you do need to take note. The best way to “feel” is to go down for the open houses of these universities. Here is a list:

NUS: 15th March 2014, University Town
NTU: 8th March 2014, Nanyang Auditorium
SUTD: 8th and 9th March 2014 
SMU: 1st and 2nd March 2014 (OVER)
(The links to the webpages of each event is included too, for easy access.) 

 

2. Grades

On top of the cultures of the school, you need to see whether your grades are good enough to enrol into the courses and faculties of your choice. Firstly, you need to calculate your University Admission Score (UAS). How to do that? Go to the UAS Calculator/IGP score Calculator, input your scores and the Indicative Grade Profile (IGP) score of the faculty or course that you want to get in. It will show you what are your chances of getting in. (If you do not know what is IGP, you should really read up more. It is the grades that you will see on majority of the universities’ enrollment sites. It goes in this format “XXX/X” (X being a letter grade varying from A to U. ABCDESU. If you don’t even know that, maybe you are at the wrong page.) 

Do note that the IGP only serves as a guide. It is actually based on the competitiveness each year. And by studying the trends of the scores every year does help to gauge whether it will continue to drop or rise this year. (Maybe I can do that for the next post. Considering. If you want it, do comment below!) And here are the links to the IGPs of the universities. 

NUS IGP 2014
NTU IGP 2014
SMU IGP 2014

(SUTD doesn’t really have a IGP. So yea, just apply for it if you are interested. Or if any kind soul is willing to provide. :D) 

If you want to calculate manually, before I continue, please have a calculator with you first. And a pen. And a paper. 

Okay, let’s continue. 

So, for the UAS computation (with a total score of 90), you need to know the score translated from your letter grades. 

Here is the chart:

GRADE H2 EQUIVALENT H1 EQUIVALENT
A 20 10
B 17.5 8.75
C 15 7.5
D 12.5 6.25
E 10 5
S 5 2.5
U 0 0

courtesy of Zueet

3 H2 Computation: 3 H2 + 1 H1 + PW + GP 
4 H2 Computation: Best 3 H2 score + H2 score divided by 2 (So if you get an A, it will translate to a score of 10.) + GP + PW.

(The computation can include MT grades, but need to rebase to the total of 90. So you add up all the scores as per normal, divide by 100 then multiply by 90.)

If you need a more detailed explanation, go and read this. I think it is easier to understand? Or if you have a very weird combination (with KI and other things), then I guess you will need this.

I got BBC/C with an A in PW, E in GP and A2 for HCL (which translate to an A too.) So my UAS score is a 72.5 without MT and 74.25 with MT. 

3. Application

So after the calculations and trying to find out which courses you can get in and whatever shit, you can start applying. But please remember to apply before the application deadline.

For the application stage, I’ll write another guide soon. Promise! Feel free to ask questions and drop emails! 😀

Cheers, 
J

#91 – Result Release

Time has passed so fast.

One year ago, I was the one sitting anxiously in my school hall, waiting for the release of my result. 

And now, one year has passed. 

From the perspective of someone who has been through such terrors, many might be looking for answers online, trying to determine what are the chance of being able to enroll into local university, or the course of one’s choice. My sincere advice would be:

BE REALISTIC. 

If you know you can’t do (SERIOUSLY SPEAKING), then don’t try. University isn’t a place where you can cry over spilled milk. And no one will freaking sympathise you. 

 

Here are the tips that I have gathered when I went through the applications myself. 

1. DO NOT APPLY FOR COURSES THAT YOU DON’T LIKE. 
Seriously, if you really did that, there is a 50% chance that you will survive the course but there will also be a 50% chance that you will not. Okay, maybe that is already sugar-coated. It is more like 70% chance you will die and 30% chance you will survive. I am half-struggling in university and it is really no joke. I know I always wanted to do Biology, but I do not have Biology background, so I am struggling like mad now. 

2. KNOW YOURSELF.

You should seriously think about what you want to do with your life at this point in time. One month isn’t a lot of time to apply for universities and you can’t regret your choice because if you do by the time you are in university and you want to change your course, there will be a HUGE PRICE to pay. Don’t believe? Ask your seniors. There are plenty of stories around. Know whether you are really suited to go university or you should choose another path. (Don’t be narrow-minded and only think about local university. Seriously.) Discuss it with your parents and ask them for advice. Don’t let them choose your path for you but ask for suggestion. AND BE MATURE ENOUGH TO BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR OWN CHOICE. The stupidest thing I’ve heard in university is that people are complaining about their courses because their parents chose it for them. DUDE, YOU ARE GOING TO TURN 19 AND YOU ARE TELLING ME YOU CAN’T MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS? AND YOU ARE BLAMING YOUR PARENTS. Ain’t a little CHILDISH to FREAKING do that? 

3. BE PREPARED (AND DON’T MISS DEADLINES!)

You would have tons of forms to fill in and certificates to find (if you are planning to get in Non-Academic Achievement or Discrete Admission.) Please do think about financial aids, bursaries, hostels, miscellaneous fees, school fees and other etc etc. Don’t do things last minute. Everything is going to be a mess. So, start preparing now. And do go for open days and open houses.

(ADVERTISMENT: NUS OPEN DAY WILL BE ON THE 15TH OF MARCH @ UNIVERSITY TOWN. PLEASE DO COME DOWN!)

If more advice are needed, do feel free to email me at shattering.love@gmail,com. Will reply as soon as possible. If you need to vent to someone anonymous and would give you like super truthful answers, you can email in too. I’ll see what I can do to help you. 

Ciao~ and the best of luck!

J